I Promised Myself I Would Not Do This, But...

When I began this blog, I had to make a few deals with myself regarding its content. For one, there would be little mention of a few things--politics (too consuming and everybody does it), movies (same reason, why dilettante my way through our culture's lingua franca), the standard "what-I-did-last-night" or "god-isn't-he-just-so-annoying " twaddle and, most seriously, Tinseltown gossip. But I cannot resist this: Mel Gibson. After his Passion of the Christ controversy (and here I'll break another rule by saying that this movie, at least as I saw it, was offensive not in its depiction of Jews--insulting as it was--but more for how deeply stupid and Hollywoodishly bland the film actually was; even 45 minutes of blood-soaked, to-the-bone flaying couldn't save this outing, try though the flaying did), is now driving drunk (not just a sin, also a crime) and railing against the Jews to a Jewish police officer. And to top if off, he is now, Jew by Jew, trying to apologize, of course, only to top entertainment execs who are, for some reason, less than persuaded as to his sincerity. Liken it, if you will, to the use of the N-word to a black police officer, and then, in retribution

In a time where being Jewish is as complicated as it ever was, where we often not only still get blamed for everything but are dividiedly associated--broadly--to the faltering nation of Israel, Gibson's self-serving mea culpas ring not only false but completely offensive. Mel, if you'd really truly like to apologize, call the few remaining survivors and explain to them how the Holocaust was a figment of their Jewish imaginations, at least according to your father (of whom you said "he would never lie to me"); phone everyone, Jewish or not, who ever spent too much money on one of your lame pictures and explain to them what these Jews ever did to you; call every 12-year-old Jewish kid and tell them why, in a world that is so horrible and dangerous, you are allowed to think this way publicly and presume that a well-placed apology to your hopeful future employers is enough to make up for it. Or sit down with every Jew on the LAPD or in any other of taxpayer-funded (and deeply underpaid, compared to the millions you made for Lethal Weapon or What Women Want) and explain it to them face to face--or better yet, offer, free of charge, to address both the ADL and JDL and explain yourself to them. I mean, despite what public opinion might dictate, there are in fact Jews outside of the twin towers of Israel and Hollywood. Or better, explain to children why, because they are Jewish (or black, Muslim, gay, whatever...) that they are reviled and spit upon by you and your ridiculous ilk--and that, because at some point in your life you had a spectacular ass and a minimal talent to pretend to be other people, many will listen and be emboldened by your Texo-Australian stupidity. Do all of this--and perhaps funnel a few million dollars to the Wiesenthal center, a place focused on tracking down people who thought similarly not terribly long ago--and you might have my Semitic forgiveness.

Or better yet, the best thing you can do for us all: please just quietly take your millions of dollars and disappear. We really don't need you anymore. I think there are plenty of supremacist separatist groups who might need a gorgeous spokesmodel. Or just simply go to hell.

Oh, and please bring the horror that is Patrick Swayze with you. His West End revival of Guys and Dolls will hardly suffer...